Family and close friends have had a tad bit of difficulty believing that we have decided to go down this path. I'll admit, adoption is a little out of the norm in our families, considering our relatively homogeneous family history (aside from seeing the name "Sing" five generations back on my family tree, which has a decidedly Asian sound). And up until now, we have been a happy family of three. We finally had everyone, including ourselves, believing that we were 'one and done'...and then we changed our minds. The reasons for that will have to be another post. So to anyone who isn't sure this is actually going to happen...Yes, we're really doing it!
I am going through stages of 'pregnancy emotions'. Excitement- I can't believe we're going to have another child running around our house and in our backyard! How will we decorate the new bedroom? What will we name him? Yearning- I wonder what his eyes, ears, hair and nose will look like? I can't wait to have him here in our arms. Ambivalence - I know that yesterday I couldn't wait to meet our child, but last night I woke up in utter disbelief that we have allowed ourselves to get this far into the adoption process. How am I going to handle midnight and early morning wake ups again, not to mention 2 year old tantrums, and the hundreds of future questions about identity and origins? What have we gotten ourselves into?!
I am pretty sure that these are all things I went through in some form when I was 'belly pregnant' (for lack of a better term) with our sweet daughter. Only when I was 'belly pregnant', there wasn't any going back. With adoption, there is always an out, up until you sign the papers. So I walked into the kitchen and read the fortune cookie paper taped to our refrigerator door - "One always regrets what could have done. Remember for next time." This is one of the 'signs' Matt and I were presented with while we were contemplating adoption. We are big on signs. And these words help me remember why we are doing what we're doing. I don't want there to be a 'next time' - when would that be, in my next life? Matt and I are not getting any younger and there are millions of kids out there waiting for families. What are we waiting for??? Let's do it!
