Thursday, October 23, 2014

Waiting and More Waiting...Distraction Needed!

Well, it's now been about 2 months since we received our log-in date (LID), and we are on pins and needles every day just waiting for that phone call from our agency.  "Sarah, I think we have a little boy you will want to take a look at!  He meets your criteria and is such a cutie pie!"  Well, that's how I imagine the phone call going.

I know that 2 months doesn't sound like such a long time to wait, however, because our medical conditions checklist does include some commonly seen conditions, we were told in March that we could expect a 1-2 month wait for a match (from the time we were logged in).  This is a classic example of 'hurry up and wait'.  We rushed around for months getting our paperwork gathered and signed as quickly as possible, attempting to shorten the time frame until we can bring our son home, and now there is nothing we can do to hurry the process along.  Just sit here and wait...and try to distract ourselves with the things we should be doing anyway.  And try not to look at the waiting child profiles on the agency website five times a day.  Those kids don't even meet the criteria we deliberated over and agreed upon (age-wise or medically speaking).

About two weeks ago, I couldn't stand the wait, so when I saw an adorable little boy on the CCAI website, I called our agency and asked to see his file.  We spent last week considering this sweet little boy who had not been matched with anybody.  He was slightly above our specified age range and had a little more medical need than we had been considering.  We spoke with doctors, specialists, and analyzed his pictures and 1 minute video.  It was agonizing to see this little boy in need of a home toddling around a room full of babies propped up in Bumbos, knowing he has almost reached age two and has still not met his forever family.  He hasn't had a Mommy that picks him up every time he falls down or cries at night.  Nobody to tell him they will always be there for him.  He was a handsome little guy with rosy cheeks and a thoughtful face.  Yet there was something unsettling I felt when I watched the video.  Something missing in his expression.  I must have watched it 30 times.  Ultimately, we realized that our indecision was so strong that he may not be a good fit for us.  Not meant to be, if you believe in 'meant to be'.  I hope and pray that another family like ours will see him and feel that he is perfect for them.  I hope his fate wasn't left only to us, to our whims and ideas of what is 'right' for our family.  How does one know for sure?

What I also hope for is that when we do finally get that phone call from our agency saying they have a match for us, when we see that picture for the first time, we will know in our hearts that the boy in front of us is ours.  That God's plan for him was to be a part of our family.

I know this may seem slightly odd, but here is a clip from Peter Pan (2003), which I've seen a hundred times, thanks to Mira.  This gets me choked up every time I watch the movie, and in context, it's even better than in this clip.  My reaction to it is one of the many reasons I know I want to adopt.  Yes, I know the excitement on the child's part is the opposite of what most find on Gotcha Day and the whole thing is a little 'magical', but I love it anyway...

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-y2nsuYnm7h2uY/peter_pan_2003_slightly_finds_a_mother/